I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
