Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
