She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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