put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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