My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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