i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
