I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize