he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
