I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
