ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
