theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
