i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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