Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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