was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
