Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize