doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
