All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
