This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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