I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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