Sry I called you an 8
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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