I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize