the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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