she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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