Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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