i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
