I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
