after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
