she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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