Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
