Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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