I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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