He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
