at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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