I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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