Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
