Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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