mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
