he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
