I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize