i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
