That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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