All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Randomize
