I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
