i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
