I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
