I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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