do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
