Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
