I want to have your abortion
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
