She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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