I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
