Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
