oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
