smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
