im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
