I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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