we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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