Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
