I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
