he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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