margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
