Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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