I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
