Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
