Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
