Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
