Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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