No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize