Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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