She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
