I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
