If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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